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Math Limericks

LosByers — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 19:33:16 +0000

People with too much time on their hands, no hobbies, social skills and completely way nerdier than thou have come up with the ultimate in Nerdism.

The Math Limerick.

This is read as follows:

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more

Good god there are more.

There was a young student from Rye,
Who worked out the value of Π
“It happens,” said he,
“That it’s just over 3,
Though I’d rather you don’t ask me why.”

There was a young student from Crewe
Who learned how to count in base 2.
His sums were all done
With 0 and 1,
And he found it much simpler to do.

‘Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

Not really a Limerick, but close, and it’s a poem. (I think)
Fiddle de dum, fiddle de dee,
A ring around the moon is Π times d;
But if a hole you want repaired,
You use the formula Πr2.

Dorkiest school cheap award winner.
“Cosine, secant, tangent, sine
3.14159
Integral, radical, u dv,
slipstick, slide rule,
MIT!”

High School Metaphors

LosByers — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 16:35:31 +0000

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the
amusement of teachers across the country. Here are some past winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without
Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it. (Must have needed to meet a word count in his essay)

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli,
and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (Good ole Canadian Beef)

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like
a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re
on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at
7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30. (Oh that just creeps me out too.)

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other
like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph. ( 8 hours and 40 minutes it would take for the lovers to meet, I know I’m a geek and had to figure it out.)

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,
it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Ouch!)

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you
get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (Would have to be a pretty small land mine to only blow up a ducks foot and not the whole duck?)

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and
extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a
fire hydrant. (Ah, now that’s a vivid mental image)

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools. (Ah yes, the good ole days)

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought
he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up.

Germany finally Conquers Europe

LosByers — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 13:48:39 +0000

I took a few articles, some monetary policy information (STRATFOR) and recent news about Europe and the Euro and have come to the conclusion that Germany has won. The euro is essentially gutting the European economic base because Greece, Portugal, Spain and Italy (in that order), each have done such a poor job of keeping their budgets under control and now they are flirting with debt defaults. All have grown fat and lazy off the cheap credit the euro brought them. Germany is a rich, technocratic, capital-intensive economy with strong credit markets and efficient workers. It is difficult for the poor, agrarian/manufacturing economies that have high labor costs and that are living off of the difference between the credit they received due to the euro and the credit they qualified for on their own merits. Slowly Germany is achieving by stealth what it failed to achieve in the past thousand years of intra-European struggles. In essence, European states are borrowing money (mostly from Germany) in order to purchase imported goods (mostly from Germany) because their own workers cannot compete on price (mostly because of Germany). In essence Germany is taking over control of all of Europe through monetary policy, they will want the Euro to survive as the Euro acts as a control mechanism for Germany against other countries, and the other countries would never want to leave on their own as they would be bankrupt and excluded from the Euro benefits.

Germany wins control of all European States by acting as the anchor to their monetary system.

Hail!, I mean way to go Germany..

Use these Euphemisms

LosByers — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:17:08 +0000

Try making a complete sentence out this these new found Euphemisms

“Savoring the Technicolor Bishop“

“Slamming the Brass Wookie“

“Tainting the Yogurt”

Here are some examples:

The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men slamming the brass wookie.
Then, I had to sit next to some crazy guy on the bus who was apparently tainting the yogurt.

Have Fun.

Law of Computers

LosByers — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:08:57 +0000

Moore’s Law is more of an observation than a law, and it is often misconstrued to mean that about every 18 months computers and everything associated with them double in capacity, speed, and so on.

There’s another “law,” this one attributed to Nicklaus Wirth: Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster.

Even though, according to Moore’s Law, your personal computer should be about a hundred thousand times more powerful than it was 25 years ago, your word processor isn’t.

Moore’s Law doesn’t apply to software.

With Moores law there always appears to be a bottleneck that needs to leap-frog the latest new thing. For example; Memory gets faster, disks get bigger, but the bus in the Mother Board is slow. The next big bottleneck will be the internet. No one imagined that all of the fiber available just won’t be enough for people’s home use.

Phone Number Dyslexia

LosByers — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:07:36 +0000

Have you heard of phone number Dyslexia? hu

You know those people who leave you a long boring slow message only to say their phone number at the end in under 5 nano-seconds and with Number Dyslexia.

Example: Hi this is Mark with your million dollars please call me back at 7 eighty five 12 (pause) one Twenty four eighty-nine. Oh not only is the number way to fast for the human brain to pick up, it also given by someone who doesn’t quite grasp the English language so it ends up sounding like “Seven eh-ive un-to-un twenty or a nine”.

So you end up with a number like 75121209 which is way short of the number as it should have been said in the normal formal written convention of 7,8,5 (pause) 1,2,1 (pause) 2,4,8,9 (pause); repeat 27 times if you happen to be on any radio ad.

Funny things the kids say

LosByers — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 22:15:50 +0000

I had this information in a forum thread where it made a little more sense than in a Blog posting. Seeing how I’m moving all of the old forum stuff to a blog, I might as well include the info. It’s funny anyway.

1/12/2008
I thought for the first posting that I would place my current favorite saying.

Ryan had a fun saying that I just thought was poetic, or at least could be part of a poem or song.

“Every time I see the sun I sneeze”

I liked the involuntary act to something that you can’t avoid and at something that is needed and enjoyed by most.
To me the sentence says a lot with so few words.

I keep feeling that this is a poem in the works. I say the sentence in my head and just expect the next line to fall into place, but I haven’t discovered it yet.

Now for a few of the fun and cute sayings from Brianna.

When Brianna was around 2 years old I told her she needs to eat a little more.

“Brianna you eat like a bird.”

Slight pause.

“No I don’t Daddy. I use a fork.”

Now Brianna is 6 and wrote up her first three wishes. (It’s at least the first time I have seen them written down) This is also how she wrote it, misspellings included on purpose.

“I wish I had a Wii
I wish we cood ware pijamas to scoole every 3 weeks.
I wish my bruthr wouldn’t squash my paprarplan” (sp. paper airplane)

1/21/2009
We were discussing New Year Resolutions and what they are. Stuff like resolving to learn to read better, exercise more, or travel to a new place.

Brianna Resolved this year the following.
I resolve to not sleep with so many people this year

Dad: Awesome! Can you keep that resolution for like the next 15 years and your dad would be very happy

What is funny is that she was talking about her stuffed animals and that she had about 20 in her bed and after the resolution reduced the animals down to about 6.

3/18/2009
Ryan, had a good one the other day.

Ryan talking to is older sisters friend.
Well I don’t care if you don’t want to be my girlfriend, because I have three more.

12/23/2009
Ryan picked up a random Christmas card from some old friends and there was a picture of their son on the front with his name “Edwardo” scratched under his picture.

Ryan: “Who is this? Cousin Eddy?!

Ryan: Knock knock
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank Miller, now let me in!

Who is Frank Miller?
Ryan: I don’t know I just made it up.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Flying piece up
Flying piece up who?
SPLORTCH!

12/24/09

Ryan asked his sister the other day. “What do you want to smell like armpit?” Only after he dumped an entire bottle of Ode’ de Spiderman cologne all over himself.

Funny Unix commands

LosByers — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:34:36 +0000

Handy command for those users that are most annoying.

# fuser -uck /you

Find all the processes running under the mount point /you and kill them all ungracefully.

About as much fun to read as

# sort -n ass | uniq -c

Unix can tell you all.

% “How would you rate Bush’s stupidity?
> Unmatched ”

% [But Where is his brain?
> Missing ]

% man: Why can they stop this war?
> man:: Too many arguments