Sorry, had to vent.  I then thought this was rather amusing and I needed to make a note of it before I forgot it, and really wanted to use it.

The Math Limerick.

This is read as follows:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two [...]]]> Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the
amusement of teachers across the country. Here are some past winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without
Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.   (Must have needed to meet a word count in his essay)

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli,
and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.  (Good ole Canadian Beef)

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like
a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re
on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at
7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.  (Oh that just creeps me out too.)

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other
like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.   ( 8 hours and 40 minutes it would take for the lovers to meet, I know I’m a geek and had to figure it out.)

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,
it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Ouch!)

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you
get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.  (Would have to be a pretty small land mine to only blow up a ducks foot and not the whole duck?)

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and
extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a
fire hydrant.  (Ah, now that’s a vivid mental image)

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools.  (Ah yes, the good ole days)

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought
he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up.

Well worry no more.

Stop working so hard to get in & out of the car! Let this handy swivel seat do all the work for you. Soft comfortable cushion with memory foam swivels a full 360° and [...]]]> Everyone has at one point in time thought it was difficult to get out of the Viper.

Well worry no more.

Stop working so hard to get in & out of the car! Let this handy swivel seat do all the work for you.
Soft comfortable cushion with memory foam swivels a full 360° and conforms to any car seat
eliminating unsteady or painful entry or exit.

Disclaimer

Product not sponsored or endorsed by the site owners. Not responsible for burned calves, bonked heads or legs that are too long to clear the steering column. If you have read this disclaimer this far you should stop. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Your mileage may vary. This supersedes all previous notices. This disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from. This message is intended for the use of the individuals who read the above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended target audience, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this post is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this message, although the yorkshire terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown, wild monkeys, or rabid giraffes will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards. Just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have navigated to this site in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing. Further this site does not warrant the accuracy or completeness of the information, text, graphics, links or other items contained within these materials. Anyone may make changes to these materials, or to the products described therein, at any time without notice. The King of Rhode Island makes no commitment to update the Materials or data. In other words, if you screw it up, you’re on your own. I forgot what I was talking about, please continue on with your business, nothing to see here, move along.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the [...]]]> An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

“Savoring the Technicolor Bishop“

“Slamming the Brass Wookie“

“Tainting the Yogurt”

Here are some examples:

The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men slamming the brass wookie. Then, I had to sit next to some crazy guy on the [...]]]> Try making a complete sentence out this these new found Euphemisms

“Savoring the Technicolor Bishop“

“Slamming the Brass Wookie“

“Tainting the Yogurt”

Here are some examples:

The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men slamming the brass wookie.
Then, I had to sit next to some crazy guy on the bus who was apparently tainting the yogurt.

Have Fun.

I had a couple of thoughts about electric cars on the way into work today that I thought I would share, with all of my loyal followers, which is just above the number Zero.

Ok, the first [...]]]> Ever have an interesting idea, maybe even a great invention, but weren’t sure what to do with it?

I had a couple of thoughts about electric cars on the way into work today that I thought I would share, with all of my loyal followers, which is just above the number Zero.

Ok, the first thought I had, which may not really work yet, but it was a thought.  I have a high powered sports car and why couldn’t I have a high powered electric car?  the thought I had if is the car was large enough that you could have one small electric engine run the front tires, and a little larger engine run the rear tires.  I had thought that the transmission would be an issue, but the electric cars use just one transmission with variable gearing, so it might be possible to have 2 motors running the car.  I had envisioned a 40%, 60% split.  Each engine would have it’s own battery array, that would be charged by plugging in the car as is standard in electric cars now.

Here is where one idea gets interesting.  The Front engine which is smaller could be the engine that drives the whole car.  The operator would turn-off the rear engine and that would give the rear engine batteries to the front engine for longer trips.  There would be less power, but more battery life.  If you were going short distances, and/or racing the car, you would have both engines on for the power and 4 wheel drive performance.  I suppose that there would have to be some sort of regulator on that matches the correct amount of power given to both engines when they are on.  One would think that it’s feasible to have 2 independent motors driving the car if they were in unison and did not have to shift gears, or shifted gears in unison.  Well, I had to do a Google search to see if there was such thing as a dual engine car with independent transmissions and I found one by Audi. Check it out at SeriousWheels.com.    Cool so the idea of having dual engines is possible and I think the electric motors are small enough to actually fit in some sort of normal looking sports car.  If the batteries get smaller and more efficient like I hear in the news, then it is totally plausible to have a Dual Engine Electric car.  If you want power you use 2 engines, if you want efficiency you use one engine and the 2 battery arrays.

What about the Stereo. I started to think that electric cars are going to be a issue with Heat, A/C and the stereo. I love a big booming stereo and that would just suck the life out of my super hopped up dual engine race car.

Next brilliant idea.   What is the stereo was independent of the car itself?  The idea is that if the batteries are smaller now and have more juice, why not have an independent battery for the radio.  The thought progressed on my drive in to be that the radio would have it’s own battery and a small solar cell on the outside of the car that could charge just the radio battery.  If the radio battery was fully charged, then the extra energy could be diverted to charging the other battery arrays.  Sounds plausible doesn’t it.   I also thought that the radio would need some sort of stiffening capacitor for the speakers and bass to draw from when needed so as not to suck on the battery too hard.  The capacitor would be filled by the battery, and the battery filled by the solar cell, or plugged-in charging system.  I guess what would really be needed to make this cool stereo  work is a few things.
1) A car stereo and speakers that don’t suck, I mean sound bad, that use less power than normal/average.  I can just see a company like Bose capitalizing on low voltage high performance car speakers in the new and upcoming electric car market.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t already make them.

2) A battery that can drive the stereo and speakers.  This I think has to exist currently, but it would need to be small and light weight, which I think exists too.

3) A solar cell that is small enough to not look “nasty” on my sweet ride, that can charge the radio battery. I think there are new bendable solar panels out there, that may work in this case.

4) A stiffening capacitor that can be charged by the battery and deliver the proper punch to the stereo without killing the battery or “clipping” the radio.  This is old school technology and has to exist already.

Anyway, this is my brilliant idea I had while driving into work.  All I need now is about 5 million dollars, a strong leadership team, and some electrical engineers with the electric car know-how.  Maybe I could find a startup company in Asia that would spring to the chance to make my invention come to life and then be the 1st to market the low voltage/power self charging radio to the emerging electric car market.

Are my thought valid, totally insane, or already under development somewhere.  Too bad it costs so much to try and patent an idea.

I was thinking stuff like “SNAZZY” and “FLYBYU”, they just weren’t me.  Plus I don’t want a plate that screams “Give me a ticket” when I am driving a bright red car that is already screaming “Give me a ticket”.   I wouldn’t want to [...]]]> I was thinking of getting personalized plates for the Viper.

I was thinking stuff like “SNAZZY” and “FLYBYU”, they just weren’t me.  Plus I don’t want a plate that screams “Give me a ticket” when I am driving a bright red car that is already screaming “Give me a ticket”.   I wouldn’t want to wreck my awesome record of being pulled over 19 times and not having a ticket.  Although, none of those times were in a 600Hph bright red supercar.

Then I got to thinking what about these Plates?

I go by “TheMilkman” in many of my online games, much to the chagrin of Milkman Dan which is “A” Milkman, but not “The” Milkman.

TheMilkMan

Then I also thought, what the heck and go Funny and with something that most people won’t have on a really nice car such as a Dodge Viper.

Let me know what you think would be a good license plate for the car?

There’s another “law,” this one attributed to Nicklaus Wirth: Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster.